2013 = Surrender

I've been struggling with my resolutions for the new year. Towards the end of December and the beginning of January, I always say I'm going to read through the Bible and stick to a consistent quiet time. But I never finish it. 

It works for a few months, but by February or March I'm stuck in the pots and pans section of the Old Testament and I usually quit. I have good intentions, but almost never fulfill them. 

I was thinking about this today as I decided that it would be really neat to read through the Bible chronologically this year. I almost didn't want to do it; to even make the commitment because I figured I would just break it again this year. But then it began to dawn on me that nothing else could matter more than my time with the Lord. Absolutely nothing. 

I was put on this earth for exactly that purpose: 

to glorify God with my life.

And that is done by spending time in His word every day. 

I read the passage from "My Utmost for His Highest" for today and it really jumped out at me in relation to what I'd been thinking about. 

"'My determined purpose is to be my utmost for His highest - my best for His glory.' To reach that level of determination is a matter of the will, not of debate or of reasoning. It is absolute and irrevocable surrender of the will at that point ... Shut out every other thought and keep yourself before God in this one thing only - my utmost for His highest. I am determined to be absolutely and entirely for Him and Him alone."

If I'm truly honest, would I say that this is true of my life? Am I living for Him and Him alone? I think God is beginning to show me that 2013 is going to be a year of surrender. 

Surrender of myself and my desires.  

Surrender to His will no matter what. 

Surrender to the plans that He has for my life regardless of where they may lead me. 

Webster's defines surrender as: 

a : to yield to the power, control, or possession of another 

b : to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another

a : to give (oneself) up into the power of another especially as a prisoner

b : to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence) 

 

I always think of surrender as being a negative thing or something I really don't want to do. But I'm beginning to realize that it doesn't have to be. Surrender can be a very good thing.

I need to surrender in order to learn, to grow, to change. 

It's like the verse in John 3 that says, "He must increase, but I must decrease." 

That's a wonderful and beautiful thing! 

Scary at times? Yes, absolutely. But, oh so good, too! 

I'm excited to see where the year 2013 takes me! I have a feeling God is going to do some great things!    

   

One Down & Four To Go

As of 1:53 this afternoon exams are over and I am officially finished with my first semester of nursing school! So that's one semester down & four to go! (spring, summer, fall, and spring again)

1st day in the uniform, including no makeup since I was headed to a bathing lab :) Fun day!

The past sixteen weeks have completely changed my life! Nursing is becoming part of who I am & another lense that I view the world through.

First day wearing the stethoscope

 Its hard to believe that it was only this summer that I was anxiously waiting to begin this journey. And now I've spent eight weeks in a nursing home and then eight weeks working at the hospital.
and loved every.single.minute!

My clinical group. These guys were awesome!

I'm off for the next three weeks and so happy for a break!
Although, come January I will definitely be ready to get back to the grind of exams and hospital visits!

Happy Birthday, Elizabeth!

Happy 11th Birthday, Elizabeth! 

I can't believe how fast you're growing up ... you're becoming such a sweet young lady!

I love you! 

When my fingers touch the keys ...

Music has been part of my life for as long as I can remember. 

I love to play and can sit at the piano for hours. 

This is because of Mrs. Horn and it all began when I was seven ... 

 My mom told me one day that she wanted me to start taking piano lessons. I wasn't thrilled about the idea then, but now, I'm so thankful she insisted I was going to at least try piano for a while. 

My first teacher was a lady we knew from church, Mrs. Susan Clark. And I took from her for about a year before her family moved. When she left, Mrs. Susan suggested Mrs.Lois Horn be my new teacher. Again, I wasn't thrilled with the idea, but I found myself going to her house every week and quickly realized she was SERIOUS about music. You see, Mrs. Horn was Mrs. Horn and she didn't mess around. If you weren't willing to count, work hard, count some more, and put your best effort into the music, she wasn't interested in being your teacher. She poured her heart and soul into the music and into teaching. 

She was a wise woman and she's taught me so many things over the years. 

My fingers have always loved fast, bangy pieces and I tend to play them like a freight train about to run off the tracks. Mrs. Horn was forever insisting that I "reign that adrenaline in" and use a metronome.

She purposely gave me slow, soft pieces and told me "anyone can play loud, but only the best can play softly." 

I remember when I was about sixteen I was in love with Chopin Nocturnes and had talked Mrs. Horn into teaching me to play one of my favorites. After a few months, I was still struggling with playing the piece with enough emotion. Mrs. Horn looked at me that day and said "I don't think you'll be able to play this piece properly until you're at least forty; you won't have experienced enough of life until then."  

Through the years, Mrs. Horn became not only my beloved piano teacher, but also a sweet friend to our family. When I first started taking from her, it was only Madeline and I. 

I remember being so excited when Elizabeth was born to take her to meet Mrs. Horn for the first time.

 Then a few years later, Jubilee, was brought for her first visit. 

And finally NoraJane. 

She loved seeing the girls every week and watching them grow up. 

The years rolled by and eventually Elizabeth began coming for her own lessons. 

For the last three or four years, my mom drove Mrs. Horn to dialysis every week after our lessons. Her health wasn't always the best and we missed lessons every now and then because she was in the hospital. 

I remember being surprised when she got out that she was still going to teach. A few years later, her eyesight began to go and she became blind in one eye, but she still kept teaching. Even after the dialysis shunt in her arm rendered her unable to play anymore, she still kept teaching. Mrs. Horn was a fighter and it didn't matter if her hands could no longer glide across the keys like she wanted them to, she loved music and wasn't about to give it up. 

She had a will of iron and there were so many days when I wondered how in the world she was still with us. 

I was awed over and over again by her stamina and willingness to share what she knew and loved with those around her. 

--------------------------------------------

On Saturday, my mom got a call telling her that Mrs. Horn had died. 

I was shocked and a little dumbfounded at the news.

Mrs. Horn has always been there and no matter how sick she was she never let it get the best of her. 

But this time, she was really gone ... I would no longer see her sweet face or hear her voice. 

This was the lady who taught me what she knew and shared an amazing gift with me ... 

the intangible gift of music. 

Its something I use every day and part of who I am. 

And now, every time my fingers touch the keys, I think of Mrs. Horn and that incredible gift. 

This is the Room

The first week of nursing school has begun

I've been sitting in lots of orientation classes and it all seems kind of surreal!

Two years ago, I was just beginning my college education & itching to get to the "real" nursing stuff

Two years from now, I will graduate

right now, I'm beginning that journey of becoming a nurse

I'm learning to listen to patients, calculate dosages, start an IV, assess progress, be compassionate, and all of the other things that makes a person a nurse

This video was part of a tutorial I had to watch for pharmacology last night - 

I'm fairly certain I got goosebumps!

Silver Threads + Buttons + Lots of Pillows = Bedroom Makeover

I FINALLY got around to taking pictures of the finished bedroom! 

My grandma and cousin visited last week and our room was kind of a mess since we had luggage and a huge pile of quilts a makeshift bed for Abby to sleep on in the middle of the floor.

Anywhoo, on to the bedroom makeover ...

I wanted to surprise Madeline when she got home from Summit and had drilled the little girls several times that day about not saying anything or acting suspicious (they did an awesome job by the way)! She had no idea.

Madeline & Dad finally got home around 5:30 and we stood in the kitchen for at least 30 minutes while Madeline told us about all the crazy stuff she had done and about the great sessions she had attended. I kept waiting and waiting for her to decide to take her luggage to her room, but she was just a little bit loopy and kept right on talking. 

I finally told NoraJane to go in my room and call Madeline like she wanted to show her something. 

That little girl was perfect! 

She poked her little head out the bedroom door and called Madeline, then promptly shut the door and waited for her to come. Apparently Madeline didn't hear her. A few minutes later, she poked her head out and called again. Madeline still didn't hear her. On the third try, Madeline finally heard her and went to see what was so important to this persistent little three-year old.

She opened the door and said "well, hellooooo!"

I'd say she was just a little bit surprised!

We I decided to forgo shams and went with lots of throw pillows instead

My "side" of the room

You can't see them very well in this picture, but the quilts have a row of buttons sewn across them = my favorite detail!

Madeline's "side" of the room

Nightstands & Trinkets

I love that everything on our nightstands has some kind of meaning. Some things are from special birthdays, but most are representative of things we each love:

hydrangeas, teacups, and a birthday doll for me 

&

bluebirds, roses, and a seashell for Madeline

I couldn't have done this without the help of my mom and grandma. I kept saying I wanted the room to be shabby chic & eclectic, but comfortable & a little modern to appease Madeline. They helped me figure out what that actually looked like and pull everything together! 

And for the record, I told Madeline it's her job to re-do our lovely chocolate-brown bathroom :)

Whispers to the Soul

I woke up this morning to the sweet sound of "Be Still My Soul" playing on my mom's Pandora in the kitchen. It was exactly what I needed to hear this morning. I love when God uses something as simple as a song to speak to your heart about something. It isn't always like fireworks or a thunderstorm, sometimes He whispers quietly to your soul.

  Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

  

Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart
And all is darkened in the vale of tears;
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.

Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
From His own fulness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.

Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

~Catharina von Schlegel

I also heard this song by Ana Laura this morning.